Six hours in the attic Saturday night, five hours more on Monday night, and I am ready for handyman Chuck and his buddy to come and create a critter and weatherproof storage space. Eleven hours of going through memories of my life, Phase 1, finding beautifully crafted soft and warm nests, created out of the materials (cloth, paper, pillow stuffings, etc.) provided by a thoughtful (and careless??) me. Perhaps there is a metaphor there to be explored? But not today. However, it does remind me that God provides for all his creatures. ;o)
Among the boxes I have ignored for years I also found books, signs of work accomplishments, journals, photos, clothes, platform shoes, a wig, and my wedding dress. Yes, I need to find young girls who like to play 'dress up', and the garbage man will also earn his money this week!!
Hours of processing later I've been through these questions; who was I then and where has my journey taken me? I have quickly come to a better picture of how God has brought me to this amazing place of the beginning of Phase 2. I can see now that there were long stretches of me being clueless, and that brings new gratitude for the goodness of a God who loves me and protects me, so often from myself!!
I was not particularly good at being consistent with journaling in the early days. But I found one, from my early 20's, that helps me see that at my core, I have always been who I am today. That is to say, my personality type was clear even then, hidden beneath wounds and dysfunction and fear. If I have one wish from my processing, it is that I knew myself then, as I do now.
Sigh....
Having said that, I am blessed to know myself better now, blessed that some of the wounds have healed, and the dysfunction is not quite so obvious. And, I am looking forward to Phase 2, fortified by the lessons of Phase 1, wherever my journey with Jesus takes me.
No comments:
Post a Comment