The question for today is.... What do you do, if in your more mature years, you discover that you might actually have roots in Ireland? Not a 'probably', just because your mother and your niece have red hair, but because you now have a name that may be the connection?
I am so excited I can hardly contain myself!! When I posted some photos on Facebook, of my July trip to Ireland, my cousin Karen asked if I'd done any research on our ancestors while I was there. Up to this point, for me, Celtic or Irish ancestry has only been a lovely dream. I have been drawn to that part of the world; the natural beauty, the history, the music, the language, the culture, the people, their faith, their accomplishments and their pain. Since my first trip to Ireland in 2008, then Scotland in 2009, I have continued to read and at times immerse myself in learning more about everything Celtic.
Now I have a name........O'Neil. And the name from my childhood that I discarded many years ago comes back, with a wee lovely lilt;) Rosie...and add the O'Neil. I can hear a voice singing to me, a most captivating tune, "Will you go, lassie, go?"
Sigh..... What a journey!!!
Confession.... I thought this was going to be easier - to write my thoughts and an occasional nugget - something that might have come to me in the processing moments of my life.
I don't know if it is the 'season' of my life, moving into 'retirement', or summer, or my 'vacation' trip to Ireland, or trying to read too many books at the same time, or what, but I am currently processing myself in circles. I occasionally get a glimps of something that I think may be the dawning of a bit of wisdom, however, before I can write about it, I'm onto a slightly new perspective. Sigh...
So I've decided that if I'm going to post more often, it will not be about the conclusions I've come to in my processing. My new thought is to just attempt to let you know the questions I'm trying to answer, or the books I'm reading, or maybe even something that is stirring me from a conference or talk I've heard.
Confession over...
The question that is being processed now is this.... "What if my greatest blessing is also my deepest wound?"
What does your life tell you about this question?
Have a blessed day!
R.
Sigh.... Overwhelming; that's what it feels like to have posted nothing since June 8th. Most days I can barely remember what I did yesterday. But then, this blog is about thoughts and feelings on a journey, not the details of what, when and where. So, where should I begin today?
Ireland, a 'thin place', where the division between earth and heaven is invisible and God will speak to a fragile and open heart in ways that are inexplicable. Yes, I find those thin places whenever I have extended times in nature, soaking up the magnificent creation God has provided for us to enjoy. Eleven days is too short of a time to be in such surroundings. But one can only absorb so much before retreating inside for processing. (Yes, that is just my way of rationalizing the disappointment of having to leave so soon. I'd LOVE to be able to spend significantly longer periods of time in thin places.)
Ireland is a most lovely landscape and we had exceptional weather; little rain, cool air, sunshine with a few clouds and a wee bit of mist. I love sheep, cows, puffins, foxglove, thistle, rolling hills, water, big water, history, and the search for where God is at work. This trip was all of that, and more.
But all I think I want to say about the trip today is that friendship is a very precious thing. Friendship that has love for God in the middle of everything is priceless. Sometimes we call that kind of friendship, "sacred companions". I hope you have at least one that you treasure and cherish. I believe God intends for it to be so; to help in the transformation of our hearts and souls to be more like Jesus.
Have a blessed day!
The days come and go, thoughts come and go, especially when I'm outside pulling weeds - sorry, not weeds - little plants that I don't want mixed in with my ground cover and catnip. I think I should have something profound to say, considering that I have all this TIME on my hands. The problem may be that I have so many thoughts, none (I feel) fully developed to be 'worthy' of a Blog. However, it has been too many days since the last post so I will just jump in and see what happens.
A friend sent a link to me today of eaglets nesting near Decorah, Iowa. How amazing is that, to watch the development of such magnificent creatures?!?! I love seeing eagles in the wild - especially in the Pacific Northwest, on Orcas Island, among the gigantic trees, on the water.
One day, soon perhaps, these eaglets will soar. But today, they are just sitting on the edge of the nest, looking at their surroundings and each other. I can see a river in the distance, and I can hear the small birds in the background - they sound just like those in my neighborhood. ;)
And of course, whenever I'm 'in nature', my mind goes to what lessons I can learn from what I'm observing. How am I like the eaglets? What nest am I sitting on the edge of, and what is preventing me from flying?
Perhaps, just as with the eagles, there is a time for everything. Ah yes, there is a book in the Bible called Ecclesiastes that makes that point. I have a friend who has written a book about Ecclesiastes, soon to be published, in Spanish. What does that have to do with me? Does that mean I should get busy with my writing dreams? Does it mean I should learn Spanish so I can read my friend's book?
Probably means both!! Sigh.......
So many things on my 'to do' list. I get stressed by that!!! Which choice is the BEST one? Perhaps I should just do as the eaglets - learn all I can by observing while I'm in the nest - preparing myself for the day when I will soar.....or at least glide a wee bit out of the nest, with a guide and protector still watching me carefully to see that I land without injury to myself.
Then again, perhaps there is a small part of me that is on occasion, the one watching an eaglet, ready to assist in their flight, waiting to see their excitement of learning something new, listening to them speak of the experience of that first flight, finding their faith strengthened by trusting.
Yes, perhaps;))
A quick view of the eaglet cam....someone is stretching their wings!!!
Life feels so much better when I am thankful. It's rather like putting WD40 on the window mechanisms. (Yes, I've been processing the effect of WD40 for days now. ;) To be thankful, I have to think about my life in context. I feel blessed with amazing friends, free time to do, or not do 'whatever', a safe roof and healthy cats. I'm especially thankful for Casa de Luz, books and music that fill my soul.
Then, when I hear the survivors of the Joplin, MO tornadoes say; "We're just glad to be alive.", I wonder how my blessings might overflow on to someone else who needs a roof over their heads, or just a pair of shoes and clean underwear.
I'm guilty sometimes of givers fatigue. There are SO many needs in this broken world. I don't think God expects me to give to them all. But, he is pleased when I listen to the need that touches my heart, whether it is a donation or just holding an umbrella for someone having a difficult time in the pouring rain. There is always someone near who needs my kindness...and it helps keep my can of WD40 full.
"He has blessed me to be a blessing."
Walking is good for the soul. Walking with a trusted friend is even better. Walking to get in shape for long walks in Ireland, thinking of being out in God's beautiful landscape for days, the best! The walk in Cuba Marsh yesterday was in cool misty weather...I think we will have some of that in Ireland.
As I was walking with my friend Suzanne yesterday, I was expressing my struggle with trying to find a rhythm for my new life - Phase 2. Someone told me it could take up to a year to sort this out. Sorry, but I can't wait that long!! I must have structure of some kind, but right now I am all over the place with when I sleep (and nap), eat (and snack), and fill in the gaps between. It is almost a feeling of not being in control - not a comfortable one for me - at all.
I was thinking last week, the difference between Phases 1 and 2; in Phase 1, there was always someone else telling me what to do - parents, teachers, bosses. In Phase 2, it's all up to me! Being me is a full time job, and now I have full time to devote to it. The responsibilty of that feels huge! So I must figure out how to do it so my time isn't wasted.
Sigh.... Poor Max, he thinks I should spend all my time outside with him!
But I am not complaining. One of the best parts of this extra time is having more time to be with friends, whether that is in person, or via technology. And reading, pursuing questions and ideas that interest me; very wonderful. I'm reading "Bonhoeffer - Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy", by Eric Metaxas. And tomorrow I may have time to plant some lovely flowers in my garden pots.
One last thought for Day Four; Yes, I sometimes feel guilty that I am not 'working'. ;))
Six hours in the attic Saturday night, five hours more on Monday night, and I am ready for handyman Chuck and his buddy to come and create a critter and weatherproof storage space. Eleven hours of going through memories of my life, Phase 1, finding beautifully crafted soft and warm nests, created out of the materials (cloth, paper, pillow stuffings, etc.) provided by a thoughtful (and careless??) me. Perhaps there is a metaphor there to be explored? But not today. However, it does remind me that God provides for all his creatures. ;o)
Among the boxes I have ignored for years I also found books, signs of work accomplishments, journals, photos, clothes, platform shoes, a wig, and my wedding dress. Yes, I need to find young girls who like to play 'dress up', and the garbage man will also earn his money this week!!
Hours of processing later I've been through these questions; who was I then and where has my journey taken me? I have quickly come to a better picture of how God has brought me to this amazing place of the beginning of Phase 2. I can see now that there were long stretches of me being clueless, and that brings new gratitude for the goodness of a God who loves me and protects me, so often from myself!!
I was not particularly good at being consistent with journaling in the early days. But I found one, from my early 20's, that helps me see that at my core, I have always been who I am today. That is to say, my personality type was clear even then, hidden beneath wounds and dysfunction and fear. If I have one wish from my processing, it is that I knew myself then, as I do now.
Sigh....
Having said that, I am blessed to know myself better now, blessed that some of the wounds have healed, and the dysfunction is not quite so obvious. And, I am looking forward to Phase 2, fortified by the lessons of Phase 1, wherever my journey with Jesus takes me.
Well here I am, back for Day Two;))
Over the last couple of years I have settled into a routine of starting my day in what I call 'solitude'. I get up in the morning, feed Max and Molly, do my 'bird chores', make a cup of coffee, then sit in a comfortable spot and open my 'Jesus Journal'. It is just a blank book, and every day I start with "Dear Jesus," and we go from there.
After writing "Day One", I was thinking about 'comparison' and these words came to me. (Think of Jesus saying these words.) "We love each of you uniquely, without comparison to any others. We only want you to let us love you into fully being what we have created you to be, to be able to reach the full potential of your gifts and experience abundant life through your calling. When you do that, you are light in a dark world...you are comfort to a broken world...you are our hands and feet...our arms and strong backs and our heart...and mind...most especially our heart. You (my sweet Roselyn) are beginning to lean harder into this way of being...more aware of and able to be with and go deeply into your feelings...honor those feelings, and me, who gave you the gift of feelings. Do not pass through them too quickly...be aware and careful to make memories, to build connections. You are exactly where you should be on your journey. It is not about the speed of getting to a destination. It is that you make the most of the journey...learn what is available...meet, get to know, spend time with those I arrange to intersect with you...all the while making it your most important priority to love me first and most."
And so each of us has a journey, and it is not about comparison, or speed.
There is always something.... Some reason I don't actually do what is in my mind to do - like starting to write this Blog. It has been in my mind to do this for a very long time. Once upon a time I said; 'When I have more time...'
So, as of 15 April, 'more time' has come, it is now 11 May, and this is 'Day One'. The thing is, I can't promise a Day Two!! If you know me, you know I love to write. But I also like to process, and read, and then write, and rewrite. And yes, I am procrastinating as I write this...will I have anything to write that is worth reading? Ah yes, of course!! I will quote someone I admire and perhaps that will do.?.?
Sigh....
Perhaps I will start by telling you about the title; "Come Journey With Me...". My friend Julie, on her way from Korea to Brooklyn (yes, it is a very interesting story) came to see me and helped me set this up. When it got to the point where I had to 'name it', this phrase came to me, and I knew it was perfect for what I mean this process to be. I am on a journey, learning about God, about myself, about a lot of things; some useful, some not so much;))
It's not that my journey is any more unique than anyone else's. But I believe, down to my toes, that God recycles. He is able to take the pain and messes I make and turn them into useful words for someone else. And so, my life takes on value if there is anything that resonates with you that you might find useful.
But I also have 'ah ha' moments, and joyful moments, moments filled with little miracles, others with mystery, and of course, there are Max and Molly moments that round out the picture.
So here is my thought for Day One. Comparison is the enemy of special.
When we start comparing ourselves, our lives, our anything, with something or someone else, we can fall into the trap of losing sight of how absolutely unique and special God has created us to be. Each of us has a journey that comprises relationships, experiences, mysteries and miracles, difficulties and pain that are unique in their meaning to us. We get to make choices, and as Donald Miller says; we can craft a boring story, or a beautiful story.
I dream of having a beautiful story. And so I invite you to come on this journey with me, to help me make it so.
