Walking is good for the soul. Walking with a trusted friend is even better. Walking to get in shape for long walks in Ireland, thinking of being out in God's beautiful landscape for days, the best! The walk in Cuba Marsh yesterday was in cool misty weather...I think we will have some of that in Ireland.
As I was walking with my friend Suzanne yesterday, I was expressing my struggle with trying to find a rhythm for my new life - Phase 2. Someone told me it could take up to a year to sort this out. Sorry, but I can't wait that long!! I must have structure of some kind, but right now I am all over the place with when I sleep (and nap), eat (and snack), and fill in the gaps between. It is almost a feeling of not being in control - not a comfortable one for me - at all.
I was thinking last week, the difference between Phases 1 and 2; in Phase 1, there was always someone else telling me what to do - parents, teachers, bosses. In Phase 2, it's all up to me! Being me is a full time job, and now I have full time to devote to it. The responsibilty of that feels huge! So I must figure out how to do it so my time isn't wasted.
Sigh.... Poor Max, he thinks I should spend all my time outside with him!
But I am not complaining. One of the best parts of this extra time is having more time to be with friends, whether that is in person, or via technology. And reading, pursuing questions and ideas that interest me; very wonderful. I'm reading "Bonhoeffer - Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy", by Eric Metaxas. And tomorrow I may have time to plant some lovely flowers in my garden pots.
One last thought for Day Four; Yes, I sometimes feel guilty that I am not 'working'. ;))
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Day Three
Six hours in the attic Saturday night, five hours more on Monday night, and I am ready for handyman Chuck and his buddy to come and create a critter and weatherproof storage space. Eleven hours of going through memories of my life, Phase 1, finding beautifully crafted soft and warm nests, created out of the materials (cloth, paper, pillow stuffings, etc.) provided by a thoughtful (and careless??) me. Perhaps there is a metaphor there to be explored? But not today. However, it does remind me that God provides for all his creatures. ;o)
Among the boxes I have ignored for years I also found books, signs of work accomplishments, journals, photos, clothes, platform shoes, a wig, and my wedding dress. Yes, I need to find young girls who like to play 'dress up', and the garbage man will also earn his money this week!!
Hours of processing later I've been through these questions; who was I then and where has my journey taken me? I have quickly come to a better picture of how God has brought me to this amazing place of the beginning of Phase 2. I can see now that there were long stretches of me being clueless, and that brings new gratitude for the goodness of a God who loves me and protects me, so often from myself!!
I was not particularly good at being consistent with journaling in the early days. But I found one, from my early 20's, that helps me see that at my core, I have always been who I am today. That is to say, my personality type was clear even then, hidden beneath wounds and dysfunction and fear. If I have one wish from my processing, it is that I knew myself then, as I do now.
Sigh....
Having said that, I am blessed to know myself better now, blessed that some of the wounds have healed, and the dysfunction is not quite so obvious. And, I am looking forward to Phase 2, fortified by the lessons of Phase 1, wherever my journey with Jesus takes me.
Among the boxes I have ignored for years I also found books, signs of work accomplishments, journals, photos, clothes, platform shoes, a wig, and my wedding dress. Yes, I need to find young girls who like to play 'dress up', and the garbage man will also earn his money this week!!
Hours of processing later I've been through these questions; who was I then and where has my journey taken me? I have quickly come to a better picture of how God has brought me to this amazing place of the beginning of Phase 2. I can see now that there were long stretches of me being clueless, and that brings new gratitude for the goodness of a God who loves me and protects me, so often from myself!!
I was not particularly good at being consistent with journaling in the early days. But I found one, from my early 20's, that helps me see that at my core, I have always been who I am today. That is to say, my personality type was clear even then, hidden beneath wounds and dysfunction and fear. If I have one wish from my processing, it is that I knew myself then, as I do now.
Sigh....
Having said that, I am blessed to know myself better now, blessed that some of the wounds have healed, and the dysfunction is not quite so obvious. And, I am looking forward to Phase 2, fortified by the lessons of Phase 1, wherever my journey with Jesus takes me.
Friday, May 13, 2011
Day Two
Well here I am, back for Day Two;))
Over the last couple of years I have settled into a routine of starting my day in what I call 'solitude'. I get up in the morning, feed Max and Molly, do my 'bird chores', make a cup of coffee, then sit in a comfortable spot and open my 'Jesus Journal'. It is just a blank book, and every day I start with "Dear Jesus," and we go from there.
After writing "Day One", I was thinking about 'comparison' and these words came to me. (Think of Jesus saying these words.) "We love each of you uniquely, without comparison to any others. We only want you to let us love you into fully being what we have created you to be, to be able to reach the full potential of your gifts and experience abundant life through your calling. When you do that, you are light in a dark world...you are comfort to a broken world...you are our hands and feet...our arms and strong backs and our heart...and mind...most especially our heart. You (my sweet Roselyn) are beginning to lean harder into this way of being...more aware of and able to be with and go deeply into your feelings...honor those feelings, and me, who gave you the gift of feelings. Do not pass through them too quickly...be aware and careful to make memories, to build connections. You are exactly where you should be on your journey. It is not about the speed of getting to a destination. It is that you make the most of the journey...learn what is available...meet, get to know, spend time with those I arrange to intersect with you...all the while making it your most important priority to love me first and most."
And so each of us has a journey, and it is not about comparison, or speed.
Over the last couple of years I have settled into a routine of starting my day in what I call 'solitude'. I get up in the morning, feed Max and Molly, do my 'bird chores', make a cup of coffee, then sit in a comfortable spot and open my 'Jesus Journal'. It is just a blank book, and every day I start with "Dear Jesus," and we go from there.
After writing "Day One", I was thinking about 'comparison' and these words came to me. (Think of Jesus saying these words.) "We love each of you uniquely, without comparison to any others. We only want you to let us love you into fully being what we have created you to be, to be able to reach the full potential of your gifts and experience abundant life through your calling. When you do that, you are light in a dark world...you are comfort to a broken world...you are our hands and feet...our arms and strong backs and our heart...and mind...most especially our heart. You (my sweet Roselyn) are beginning to lean harder into this way of being...more aware of and able to be with and go deeply into your feelings...honor those feelings, and me, who gave you the gift of feelings. Do not pass through them too quickly...be aware and careful to make memories, to build connections. You are exactly where you should be on your journey. It is not about the speed of getting to a destination. It is that you make the most of the journey...learn what is available...meet, get to know, spend time with those I arrange to intersect with you...all the while making it your most important priority to love me first and most."
And so each of us has a journey, and it is not about comparison, or speed.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Day One
There is always something.... Some reason I don't actually do what is in my mind to do - like starting to write this Blog. It has been in my mind to do this for a very long time. Once upon a time I said; 'When I have more time...'
So, as of 15 April, 'more time' has come, it is now 11 May, and this is 'Day One'. The thing is, I can't promise a Day Two!! If you know me, you know I love to write. But I also like to process, and read, and then write, and rewrite. And yes, I am procrastinating as I write this...will I have anything to write that is worth reading? Ah yes, of course!! I will quote someone I admire and perhaps that will do.?.?
Sigh....
Perhaps I will start by telling you about the title; "Come Journey With Me...". My friend Julie, on her way from Korea to Brooklyn (yes, it is a very interesting story) came to see me and helped me set this up. When it got to the point where I had to 'name it', this phrase came to me, and I knew it was perfect for what I mean this process to be. I am on a journey, learning about God, about myself, about a lot of things; some useful, some not so much;))
It's not that my journey is any more unique than anyone else's. But I believe, down to my toes, that God recycles. He is able to take the pain and messes I make and turn them into useful words for someone else. And so, my life takes on value if there is anything that resonates with you that you might find useful.
But I also have 'ah ha' moments, and joyful moments, moments filled with little miracles, others with mystery, and of course, there are Max and Molly moments that round out the picture.
So here is my thought for Day One. Comparison is the enemy of special.
When we start comparing ourselves, our lives, our anything, with something or someone else, we can fall into the trap of losing sight of how absolutely unique and special God has created us to be. Each of us has a journey that comprises relationships, experiences, mysteries and miracles, difficulties and pain that are unique in their meaning to us. We get to make choices, and as Donald Miller says; we can craft a boring story, or a beautiful story.
I dream of having a beautiful story. And so I invite you to come on this journey with me, to help me make it so.
So, as of 15 April, 'more time' has come, it is now 11 May, and this is 'Day One'. The thing is, I can't promise a Day Two!! If you know me, you know I love to write. But I also like to process, and read, and then write, and rewrite. And yes, I am procrastinating as I write this...will I have anything to write that is worth reading? Ah yes, of course!! I will quote someone I admire and perhaps that will do.?.?
Sigh....
Perhaps I will start by telling you about the title; "Come Journey With Me...". My friend Julie, on her way from Korea to Brooklyn (yes, it is a very interesting story) came to see me and helped me set this up. When it got to the point where I had to 'name it', this phrase came to me, and I knew it was perfect for what I mean this process to be. I am on a journey, learning about God, about myself, about a lot of things; some useful, some not so much;))
It's not that my journey is any more unique than anyone else's. But I believe, down to my toes, that God recycles. He is able to take the pain and messes I make and turn them into useful words for someone else. And so, my life takes on value if there is anything that resonates with you that you might find useful.
But I also have 'ah ha' moments, and joyful moments, moments filled with little miracles, others with mystery, and of course, there are Max and Molly moments that round out the picture.
So here is my thought for Day One. Comparison is the enemy of special.
When we start comparing ourselves, our lives, our anything, with something or someone else, we can fall into the trap of losing sight of how absolutely unique and special God has created us to be. Each of us has a journey that comprises relationships, experiences, mysteries and miracles, difficulties and pain that are unique in their meaning to us. We get to make choices, and as Donald Miller says; we can craft a boring story, or a beautiful story.
I dream of having a beautiful story. And so I invite you to come on this journey with me, to help me make it so.
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